Wondrous Nature

Life Story Club Contributor

July 8, 2020

I won’t tell about the bear I saw in the Rockies. Not about the bear I met in Costa Rica. By nature, I’m not a nature lover. But I like things that come naturally. When I’ve been working on something for so many years, and all of a sudden it all works out for it to be…to happen in reality, this is nature to me. When I give birth to new idea, and not just my children.

There are many other things that want to be born from me and everyone I want in life. As the poet Wislawa Szymborska writes, “Of all your lovers, mention only the marriage. Of all your children, only those who were born.”

And I was always intrigued by those not yet born. I especially like the things that go wild in nature, and don’t look natural, like an ant, a small, tiny ant. She walks long distance. She walks with lift four times the size of its body. She walks long distance and doesn’t stop. She walks and goes on, not stricken or frightened, marching, not avoiding because someone can crush it. She is diligent enough to fulfill herself. Diligence is a superpower for me.

Today, I find the most beautiful nature in the world at the beach. The waves are amazing. The size is huge. The great light above, it excites me. Shifts of the sun and the moon, I especially like the morning shifts. The waves are always hard working, never get tired, repeat over and over, gets the unnecessary out of the sea.

It will restore what is needed. Once someone said a phrase, I wrote it quickly in my notebooks. It goes like this, “When we try to grab certain things ourselves, we discover that it’s connected everything else in the universe.” I’ve been honoring the waves in my life since then, ever since.

Thoughts on Kindness

Life Story Club Contributor

June 24, 2020

My father is a kind person. I consider myself a kind person, too. Sometimes you can hurt. How do people get the bad out of each other? I wish he knew about my goodness, my kindness, not to get to the world, just so he knew he would know his daughter. With my mother it was easy for me, be good and get the best out of it. It’s hard for us since she’s gone. 10 minutes ago, he called me and he asked, “How, how do you feel?” I told him about the children and about the isolation and about the zooming events.

And then he feels that he fails to understand what we are doing here. And you see, my dad is a person of people who gets along with people, not with computer and screen. Things that he doesn’t know, he doesn’t accept. So we’d always question and daily routines and daily stories, he suddenly stopped and he asked, how do you really feel? How are you? And there was a silence and he was waiting for an answer and I get quiet.

Then I return to my constant, automatic behavior in front of him: “I’m fine.” I answered too quickly too overlooked, too stone. “You’re are fine?”, you ask again, making sure that it was the right answer and I’m in a hurry to raise my voice. “Yes, dad. I’m absolutely fine”. And the truth is that I’m not fine. And our relationship is not fine. And then this is not fine, although I wish we would grow out from this. So I would like my dad to know me that I could talk to him about all the things that hurt me. For example, I want him to know that I don’t know how did he sell my mother’s jewelry even though I asked to keep it. I am hurt by the distance he was taken from me since she’s gone. And I’m angry as a lot of things. And like, dad doesn’t know what to do when I’m angry.

So I always feel like I should tell him everything is fine. My mother taught me that life is short. By the time she left so early, my father is 70 and I’m afraid that one day what happened to my mom will happen to him and that I will be left alone. And I want to enjoy the time that we have together, to give him the taste of my kindness and to experience the kindness that was once his, I wish we could solve it in time.

The Definition of Beauty

Life Story Club Contributor

June 17, 2020

Beauty is all I love. When I love something, it becomes beautiful. When things fit together, when things fit together. Combining this is a very beautiful world, except for legs. When you cross your legs, no one can sit on your knees. Mothers should sit with her feet always side by side. This is how I sit since I became a mother. My feet are waiting for my son or my daughter or my son to come and sit, as I sat on my mother’s lap, playing melodies I wanted to hear from life.

I never sing. And my mother, she passed away and she never sing either. But this is so joyful when kids sing and she’s playing her own melody. Yeah, now that I’m thinking about this. But I can say that I have big children. They are not in that age. I have twins, they are 12 and another boy, he’s 11 and they are often sitting on my knees and this is the best moment in life, I think. In the morning when they come, I usually already on my computer and writing. This is their ritual, morning ritual. Everyone come sit on my knees and big hug and “how was your night” and da, da, da. And it is a very special moment for me because I sit on my mom’s lap until I was very old.

A Memorable Performance

Life Story Club Contributor

May 27, 2020

When you start a holiday song everyone knows all the words. Just starting a line and everyone is already aligned with the same song. Songs that haven’t been changed for years, based on a long standing heritage.

When I was in kindergarten, I loved the holiday songs a lot. One day I came home and sang it to my mom. She said all the time,”Finally, new songs” until one time she came to my kindergarten during the holidays, and she noticed that all of the children were singing one song and I was singing my own song.

So this is something I cherish from then. In this picture they saw me in the kindergarten singing the song. And I have been creating my songs ever since. My own songs.

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