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Speaking Up

Life Story Club Contributor

June 8, 2020

I.

And I’m sitting and I’m thinking, and I’m listening. Everybody was fantastic. The work that everyone has done and is doing. I’m just going to Nevada. Either I’m on another page.

Right now I’m on a journey of self-reflecting and I feel that until I do that I won’t be able to really do anything. That’s going to be what should I say beneficial to anyone because I have to get me, so I’m kind of just right now doing inventory. Because through this COVID-19 and this pandemic and all of this stuff that’s going on—the racism and a pandemic of racism and all of the stuff that is happening where I’m learning that we’re in it, not only in one pandemic. That we’re in two pandemics. So, I’m kind of divided. That means I need to regroup.

And I need to rethink because a lot of this stuff brought out a lot of memories for me as a kid growing up. So I need to know: Where do I stand? Where is my place? Where do I need to sit next? And I’m kind of focusing on coming out of the pandemic and going: Well, where do I go or what do I do going forward? What is the new norm and how do I play a role in it? How do I help to make things better? Not only for myself, but for others.

And I’ve been focusing in on our young people. Our young men and old men. And women also. So I’m at a point where I’m at a crossroad now and I want to have a larger impact. On how we got here, how we go forward as a people, and as a world, as a nation, as a city. So I’m kind of going in a, I guess you can say going in a constant different direction. I’m going in and I can watch cool a forward direction and I’m trying to figure out where do I fit in. Where do I fit in this place at because I have to do something. We have to do something. And as a person that’s in in ministry I because there’s a lot of people that is going to go need us and going to need to know and hear and see that is a change coming in as a change being made and who is on front line. Who’s up there? And who was real? Who is doing what needs to be done?

It’s just so much. There’s so much. There’s so much for me right now. It’s just so much. Oh, I have. I haven’t done a lot when it comes to maybe I’m in my community. But I do remember the struggle that it was for the musicians and I remember how I didn’t, I didn’t do anything. Or I didn’t find out what could I do or how could I help, but I was appalled. I was, I was really was upset, but being I’ve learned that being upset doesn’t change anything. So we have to figure out where do I go next? What do I do next? Where do I fit in?

I have some things in work. Now I don’t have really detailed. I can’t really give information, but when I do when I get it, I will share it. But that’s where I’m at. That’s, that’s my story right now. You know, today  I have a completely different mindset about things. So basically I’m working on my mindset, my way of thinking.

Let me just put it in a nutshell. I’m learning how to think outside of the box. So when you think outside the box that becomes a larger, much larger PLATFORM and that means you’re not excluding anyone. Whoever needs to come in, you can benefit and whoever you can help in that in that or on that platform you do it, not looking at who they are, where they came from, or you’re not looking at their background. You’re not looking at the color of their skin. You’re just looking at the person or the person that needs something and you have to give. So that’s kind of where I’m at right now. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone. That’s where I’m at right this minute.

Ministry is my, that’s my biggest platform. That’s my biggest platform and in ministry, you always looking to make life better for other people. You’re not focusing on yourself so much you’re focusing on who was there. I guess it comes under that scripture: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” So that means I’m going to see my neighbor. Who was my neighbor? Everyone that I come in contact with is my neighbor. I don’t have to know them. You know, I don’t have to know them to feel that pain. I don’t have to know them to understand an experience or try to understand the experience so that’s, that’s basically it and we’re looking at, we’re working towards that now. And that’s my main focus because even though I may not belong to different organizations, there are still needs out there. There is still work to be done.

So that’s it.

II.

If we don’t self-reflect and we don’t know who we are, where we’re going, we’re not going to be able to help anybody really matter what we do so, and there’s going to be a lot of people that’s going to need help, they’re going to need help physically, mentally, and spiritually. And it’s going to be a lot of people with their backs against the wall and they’re going to be looking at what can I do you know, in despair. So there has to be someone there. That can show them help, not to help them and show them how not to give up, but to still have hope even in the darkest hour. To still have hope. You have to give people encouragement, you have to give them encouragement, you have to teach them also patience.

And you also have to show them that show them that love because people nowadays is more about me, myself and I. We don’t have enough love going around and people don’t see that people gravitate to people and persons that they see you care about them. And we’re going to have to learn to take care of our own and take care of ourselves.

And take care of those that are in our in our midst. That means in our community. In our neighborhood. In our churches. Wherever we are meeting. Houses. Wherever we are, we have to learn to take care of people, and when we put other people first, it’s amazing what you get out of it and how your life enriches also.

It’s a road of front of us. We’re never going back. We can’t go back. Life is when we go, we’re going forward, and life is never going to be the same. It’s going to be our new norm. Our new next. Our new next. And if we look at history we’ll see changes. As we go we’ve seen changes. So now we’re just coming up against things that we’ve never went through before. None of us have never gone through a pandemic before. The other stuff, the racism and all that stuff was always there, but it just wasn’t in the forefront. And more people will have not been seen it as they’re seeing it now. It is just now blatant. I grew up in it, so I know it. I recognize that when I see it. Whether it was this or not. I still recognize it. I know it.

The thing is we’re going to now have to figure out where we’re going to go and how we’re going to do it. And that’s going to be the challenge for us. And that’s everybody, because this is the thing that we all do, and this is not me. My family, you, your family. Everybody. We find a share something that everybody, I don’t care where you came from, all over this world, everybody is going through the same thing.

June 8, 2020 I. And I'm sitting and I'm thinking, and I'm listening. Everybody was fantastic. The work that everyone has done and is doing. I'm just going to Nevada. Either I'm on an...

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The most romantic thing

Life Story Club Contributor

June 1, 2020

The most romantic thing that was ever done for me, is when I met my husband. He did all these romantic things. That’s where it started, I fell in love for the first time. I was young. But it was new, it was a new experience, new emotion. We’re still friends up to this day.

The first romantic thing he did was ask me for a date. He took me to the movies and sharing popcorn, sharing the little bon bon things. We’re going back a lot of years, to my first love! For me, there were other times, other things, but that was my first time experiencing falling in love.

I remember my first kiss! First time I held hands, what it felt like. It was different. The hormones were racing, because you were experiencing something new. We did a lot of stuff. You had dates, you go out, you enjoy yourself. The first gift you ever get, the stuffed toys, or the first card that you receive. All of that. That’s just the beginning.

That’s why I say it’s the most romantic thing, because that’s the first thing that I experienced as love, as being in love, at least thinking I was in love anyway. You know, you were excited! You think about these things, you daydream. That could be a book within itself.

I was 15/16, going on 17 on that first date. I was actually a very shy person. That was my first time. I’m from the country, I’m a country girl. You couldn’t do so much, there were always eyes on you. You’re taking me too far back, I’m sitting in my living room blushing!

And then I remember getting my first gift, which was a Christmas gift. It was a blue sweater. Pretty, baby blue sweater. I was so excited because it was the first gift I had ever gotten from a boyfriend, you know it was my boyfriend.

June 1, 2020 The most romantic thing that was ever done for me, is when I met my husband. He did all these romantic things. That's where it started, I fell in love for the first time. I...

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If I could relive a day

Life Story Club Contributor

June 1, 2020

If I could go back, and relive one day of my life, I would want to share my grandchildren and my great grandchildren with my mother. My mother passed, she was only 48 years old. My children she knew, my brother’s children, she knew. But some of her grands she didn’t know. My youngest brother, she never got to know any of his children because she had passed already. I have grandchildren that she has never known because those children, their mother and father were kids when she passed. I have great-grands, that would be her great, great-grands, that I would love to share with her. I know she would be grand and a great-grand that would spoil them rotten. Also, one of my great-grands was born on her birthday, which was April 3.

She would be so proud of them. I have 10 grandchildren, and all 10 of them graduated from high school. One of them went to college, he has two degrees. I have one grand-daughter now who’s in university, she’s studying criminal justice. One of my grandsons, the one with two degrees, his major is sports management. All the other little ones are coming up, and they’re just so smart. They’re all doing things that their granny and their great-granny, great, great-granny would be so proud of them. And she never got to experience any of that.

She, at 48, and I’m now, God bless me, to be 68 years old. I’m older than she was, I’m almost double her age. If I could go back and live one day, that would be the day I would want to live, is her meeting her grands that she never got to meet, and her great-grands, and great, great-grands.

She would also know that this year, her daughter, has been called into the ministry – I’m a minister. And that, she would’ve been very proud of, that I’m an ordained minister. None of this she’s gotten to share, to know or to see. To enjoy. That would be the one thing, if I could go back.

My mother loved children. She was the grandmother of the neighborhood. When she passed she thought she had 100 children! She was that grandma. My kids, all their friends, called her Grandma. She was grandma to all of them. Even my friends’ children, and even my friends, she was mom to them. She was just that type of person. She was a no-nonsense person. She let you know what you could and could not do, in her house and around her. What she could accept and could not accept from you, but she still loved you. You just couldn’t do those things!

She’s been gone many, many years. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, but you know, life has still been good. There have been ups and downs, but nothing has promised us that it’s going to be rosy all the time. When we fall, we get up, we learn from our errors, and we try to become better through any errors or mistakes that we made, any faults that we have. And we just keep moving. That upbringing that you had, that foundation that was laid in you, is what keeps you going. It makes you look back and you say, “ok, I can’t do this.” You remember that you weren’t allowed to do these things when you were growing up or when you were younger. As an adult, you find yourself conforming and you do the same with your children, your grands, your great-grands. You teach them the same way.

June 1, 2020 If I could go back, and relive one day of my life, I would want to share my grandchildren and my great grandchildren with my mother. My mother passed, she was only 48 years...

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