Feb 3, 2020

Story 1:
Don’t anybody think this is the reality of what I wanted. It was just funny in my imagination. Did everybody read about this woman who was being chased by the cops? Minor thing, I don’t know, she didn’t pay her hotel bill, something. She ended up going through two security gates at Mar-a-Lago, which is, what’s his name, Trump’s place. And she knocked them down, right? But she was just a woman and they were chasing her down. What they were chasing her for? It wasn’t a big deal. She wasn’t an important issue. She was ordinary, just like us.

And all of a sudden I couldn’t stop laughing. I was by myself, but I couldn’t stop laughing. But I thought, God, I don’t mean for this to happen, but it was just my thought. I thought, what happened if Trump walked out and you know, he does things. So I thought, what happens if he just walked out without the secret service and she’s driving along trying to get away from the cops and she mows him down and he dies. Right?

I’m thinking this man is an egomaniac. If he was to die, he would want to die by an assassination and then he could be a martyr eternally. And I thought, what’s going to be his legacy if he’s mowed down by a woman who maybe didn’t pay a hotel bill and is being chased by the cops? How can he be honored as a martyr.

I didn’t mean any harm to the man, although God knows get him out of there, but it was so funny. I could not stop laughing at that thought. Anyway, I hope nobody takes offense. It was just very funny.

Story 2:
This happened years ago, after my mother’s gone, may she be in peace. I’m 63, my brother’s 67. This happened when I was in my 20s I think, maybe a little younger. My brother, my mother, and I, we went out to a club or something. And my brother, he was drinking like a lot of wine or something. So he got a little tipsy and we ordered the food and all of a sudden my brother, he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing. So he leans his arm back and he picks his arm up and he’s got pieces of cheese hanging from his arm.

It turns out, the next table, they had ordered pizza and my brother had just laid his arm through, straight across their pizza. But what is my brother do? Cause he’s a little tipsy. He’s a chiropractor, he’s successful. He didn’t turn into an alcoholic, don’t worry. But what does he do? He sees cheese. He starts eating the cheese. He’s eating the cheese off his hand. Luckily, it was like the early ’70s or something and everybody was very mellow and cool. Nobody shot us about a cheese pizza. They were very kind about it. Very kind about it. But my brother was just, you know, doing his thing. But he was like excited, “Hey cheese, what do you know?”

Story 3:
Another time I was really young and I didn’t continue it, but I played flute and my friend Roseanne, she played clarinet. We used to crack each other up. I don’t know what happened. We could just look at each other, it was over.

And we were on our way to band practice and at the corner of like Avenue S and Coney Island Avenue, we started cracking up and I think I peed. I think I peed. I kind of just remember the hysterics because I would look at her face, I would look at her face and she would go, “hehehe”, just make this hysterical laugh and I couldn’t stop laughing from her laughing.

Story 4:
Now this is going to sound really weird, so please bear with me. Again, I was in my 20s. I was working for an organization called National Association of Working Women. What we did is we went around, they dropped us off at these places in Long Island, in the city, and we’d knock on people’s doors. This is a long time ago, like 40 years ago, you could do this then. Now I wouldn’t knock on anybody’s door. You never know if you’d get shot. It’s a crazy time. But anyway, especially things, certain things about me, somehow they just said, “Oh, she’s Jewish. That’s it. Kill her.” Whatever the hell they do here now in America.

But anyways, so 40 years ago we go knock on people’s doors in twos, maybe alone sometimes. But I was with my friend Barbara, and we’d ask people for money to raise money for awareness of that pregnant women should not work in front of what was a video screen. I don’t know where exactly they worked in front of the video screen, but it had radiation. So we’re raising money, for that purpose.

Anyway, she had to go to the bathroom like desperately. Desperately. Somehow either she was afraid to ask people. I don’t think people said no at that time, I think she was just too embarrassed to ask people. God help us all, but Barbara went to the bathroom behind the house on somebody’s lawn. These were nice properties with houses and lawns. She went to the bathroom.

And I could not stop laughing. I mean, first of all, it wasn’t like it was the inner city and people already with dealing with garbage and pollution and people dumping, you know what I’m saying? It was like a pristine upper class, Long Island home. They’d find a pile of crap and they’d just had to take a bag and clean it up. They probably think it was like a dog or a rabbit or a coyote. I mean, it wasn’t like we were polluting. It wasn’t like, I’m sure they had somebody do it for them. Who the hell knows, whatever. I wasn’t so concerned about the class issue in the neighborhood. But the way she did it and she just came and said, “I took a crap. I had to go, I had to go, I went, I took a crap,” or something like that.

It’s a terrible thing to do, I know. Oh my God. Barbara was just like, she was pretty radicalized already. So she was like, “what am I going to do? I had to go.” When you got to go, you got to go.

Story 5:
One time Barbara and I went to the East Village. We were in our 20s. I’m going to say it really quick. We were in the East village and I had these earrings, they were basket earrings. They were literally tiny baskets. I used to actually put some fruit and nuts in them in case I got hypoglycemia. They were a little tiny baskets.

So we were kidding around. We shouldn’t have done it, but you know we were activists, so we needed a laugh sometimes. We were always working to help people, both of us, she’s a social worker too. So what do we do? We took the baskets, but they were earrings. We put them in a caps cause it was, I guess winter. We both had caps on and we went around and said, “Please help us. We need a little cash.” And we’d hold the tiny basket out from my head.

People would pass by, like consider somebody on the street saying, under the sign, “please help me.” We had baskets this big off the top of our caps saying, “Please, a dime, a quarter.” It was a crazy, crazy thing we did. We used to canvassing. Anyway, it cracked me up so bad because it wasn’t like a poor neighborhood. It was like little India, where people go to eat Indian food. It was like a tourist little place.

But anyway, so we just did that. We just, “Please, please, a dime, a quarter.” We’d hang the basket out off our cap that big. It was fun. It was just fun.

Okay, I hope nobody calls the CIA. I was just kidding around about Trump.